MG: What, basically, is the Zwarte Honden?
Pomegranate: We're a Dutch black ops group like the SAS, CIA, SWAT, or the Rebel Alliance. We have been at every major world conflict since the 1930's when we were founded.
MG: Why is it that so few people have heard of you?
Pomegranate: We like it that way. No ZH soldier has ever been debriefed after capture. And we don't surrender.
MG: Then why do this interview?
Pomegranate: Exactly. We would be completely secret except that some soldiers killed in battle in Korea, Vietnam, Libya, and The Falklands were found wearing an acid-washed beret with a patch of a pitbull wearing sunglasses.
MG: Like Spuds McKenzie?
Pomegranate: Who?
MG: The dog from the American beer commercials.
Pomegranate: No, ours is blacker, and it's over the slogan "Oorlog, Goede God." Which means "War, Good God."
MG: Like Frankie Goes to Hollywood?
Pomegranate: No. They stole that from us, I believe.
MG: How does one join this group?
Pomegranate: I don't think you can join. I think the lead singer died of AIDS. They were great.
MG: Not Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Your group...
Pomegranate: Only the elite cream of the crops are considered, and you have to meet the 5-5-5 requirement.
MG: What is that?
Pomegranate: Speak five languages, practice 5 martial arts, and have killed five people in combat.. Or you can make up for a deficiency in one area by having a higher number in another category, so you can practice 10 martial arts and not have killed anyone in battle. You can't speak zero languages, obviously. You can't be somebody that can't talk but has ten martial arts that has killed ten people. Most of the bilingual guys have killed a dozen people, and make up the rest in martial arts like Shin Se Do BJ-Jitsu, preying mantis Kung Fu, Escrima, and Thai Dog Style.
MG: And what about you?
Pomegranate: I can't go into detail, but I only speak English, and I know fourteen different martial arts... you do the math.
MG: Aren't the other men speaking Dutch? How do you communicate with them?
Pomegranate: Through whistling. And hand signals.
MG: What weapons do the ZH use?
Pomegranate: Our minds is our most important weapon. After that comes guns, and then third is any other kind of weapon you can imagine.
MG: What are some of the important battles in your history?
Pomegranate: We've been everywhere, but some battles were very important to us, because they were rare defeats where the ZH fought to the death of every man.
MG: Can you give me an example?
Pomegranate: A platoon was wiped out at the battle of Casa Fruta, and supposedly this is why we all tie a brown handkerchief around our right knee, to symbolize the leader of that platoon, who was called "Brown." That platoon only had people in it code-named after colors.
MG: Why?
Pomegranate: Every member of a platoon will be code-named by the theme of that platoon. One platoons' members have dog-breed names, like Keeshond, Schipperke, Dachshund; another uses species of tree like Elm... I'm blanking on other tree names, but you see how it works.
MG: I see. And what about you, does a particular battle stand out in your mind?
Pomegranate: Falklands. Operation Laser Disc.
MG: Why?
Pomegranate: The infiltration was done out in the open. We came into the country disguised as a Musical Group called The Reflex. We started to play a concert and we weren't clicking. The crowd found out what was going on. We tried to fight our way out, but we were out-numbered. We got cut up bad; almost everyone was killed. Since then we've worn a piano tie as part of our mess kit.
MG: What motivates your group?
Pomegranate: Shame. Forty years ago, the unit basically slept through D-Day. So our slogan has always been: "First Light, First to fight: On Time, Every Time." We have sworn to overcome that day and be the first to arrive at any battle.
MG: So the D-day rumor is true?
Pomegranate: Yeah, but that could happen to any unit. Our guys were coming from all different time zones, and so there was disagreement--
MG: How late did they to arrive?
Pomegranate: The next day.
MG: Last question, why do you have the code name "Pomegranate"?
Pomegranate: Why do they call you Ustaz?
MG: That's my name.
Pomegranate: Bingo. But I don't ask you that. The old me is dead. There is no more Steve. Plus, my unit is all fruit names.